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But you're not my client, so here's my advice: My first tip is to stop thinking about cheating in a black-and-white way and instead think of it as points on a spectrum, with flirting on one end and a full-blown, top-secret affair on the other. Truly understanding what happened is also the only way to build back trust—which you're going to need if you decide to stay.
So it's possible to build a and better relationship after someone has cheated. If, after talking to your partner and being super honest with yourself, you decide to stay together, the next hurdle is telling any friends and family who know about the cheating.
Of course, the trick question is, "How do I know if the relationship is worth saving?
" I find that most of my clients already know the answer before they come to my office.
"I never thought I'd be the kind of person who stays with a cheater." As a therapist who specializes in couples and relationship problems, I hear this all the time from clients who have been cheated on and then decide to stay in the relationship. I can tell you that the answer is often none of these things.
It's a telling statement because what exactly do we think this "kind of person" is? I can tell you that all sorts of people—straight women, straight men, gay men, and gay women—make this choice.