Dating a passive woman
I crashed, we cuddled, and before I left he told me he liked me but also wanted to take it slow. After that night, we had something of a routine: He'd ask me for drinks with friends, where we would kiss in public (cute), and he'd booty text me at 4 am (not cute) before finally making a dinner reservation that he would cancel at the last minute. “Our phones are constantly blowing up with these notifications," says Zang. Today, we hoard "matches" (or otherwise, the phone numbers of potential lovers). I had mistook his incoming texts as definitive interest.So began the rollercoaster of the ghosting non-ghoster -- the passive ghoster. I was stubbornly invested in him, so I rescheduled it myself. "So then when your notifications are romantic, there's an added type of self-esteem associated with that."This was a point I hadn't considered. Had he felt otherwise, he would have just dropped off like “normal” dudes do, I assumed.You don't have mutual friends so it doesn't matter,” says 29-year-old Margo, a global gender education researcher based out of New York.We can argue the rate at which today's hook-up culture devolves common courtesy, but he wasn't playing by these new rules.Annoyingly, his blasé temperament was his only offense here. Could it be that WE were the ones misreading his level of interest, based on what social media expert Tyler Zang defines as the modern-day social contract -- in which our self-esteem skyrockets with the uptick of hearts flooding our Insta feed or tumbles as rapidly as our Tinder matches?
Whether he was lazy, non-confrontational, really freaking busy, or even (gasp!
Both of us were equally surprised by how much we had in common — interests that spanned more than our obsession with the "The Sopranos" and our quirky germophobic habits — we found ourselves unable to stop talking. Why the fanfare of entertaining my suggestions with smiley and sad faces if he wasn't interested?
Eventually, we meandered back to his place, where we explored his record collection, among other things. Why bother responding at all when we hadn't seen each other in person in weeks, and could easily never cross paths again?
Confident that he dug me as much as I dug him, I waited patiently, and then impatiently, for his call. Finally, a week later, I gave in and shot him a snarky text: Way to leave a girl hanging ;)He replied immediately with a few hahas and asked me for drinks that night.
I met him for what he would refer to as our “first date.”Again we hit it off.